The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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239: Awkward Human's "A Series of Unfortunate Anal Dilemmas"

February 21, 2019 at 3:45PM • 1 hour 11 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about the impregnable anus, the pregnant anus, large erect nipples, an organ ultimatum, and my boyfriend can't dress himself with special guest Darren Herczeg!

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Story Time: Erica encounters the Pregnant Goddess of Fern Dell.

Special guests: Darren Herczeg 


Talia: "My bf dresses like if Tommy Bahama fucked a magician. How do I stop him? People ask him all the time if he does magic and he does not. It is so embarrassing. He is a sweetheart but everyone makes fun of us. How do I get him to think other clothes are cool instead?"

J&J: "Hello,
We are J and J, a heterosexual couple. I apologize because our names begin with the same letter. You can make up new names for us. We aren't creative people. I work at a plant that manufactures plastic netting so you see how it is. I am the male half of the couple doing the typing because Lady J has weak wrists. The details you need to know are that we are happily married and Lady J is very scared of pregnancy because she cannot take birth control. It conflicts with her body and there is often diarrhea.

Now that you know this her is our problem. I do not like the use of condoms. I am a sensitive man except where my penis is concerned. I have to make love to Lady J for many hours to achieve orgasm and the pounding can become very vigorous. I thought that the novel solution would be to have our sexual disease testing conducted together and then if we have no risks I can make love to her other hole. Lady J is still afraid of pregnancy so I went to purchase the morning after pills and promised to take her to a very expensive dinner if she became pregnant through her butt.

The unthinkable has happened and Lady J is with child. We have an abortion because the morning after pill did not take. The doctors do not understand. They have looked inside of her anus and found nothing abnormal and I have no reason to doubt her fidelity of course. When we made love it was very nice for both of us so I know I came inside of her. The doctors have said that pregnancy only can happen if the semen goes around and gets into the vagina but even this does not have a 100% confirmed case. We found your podcast recommended on an abortion forum and hope you can help. I would like to make love to her this way again. She would like this two but without carrying the risk of children growing in her womb."

Quique: "Hey guys I'm a straight dude who likes getting pegged but is still a but virgin. Look this is how it happened. I've had three girlfriends already and I got them all to try to peg me but they can't get in. My asshole shits like a champ and I got my finger in there like at least six times but I don't want me in me I want a woman in me. This new girlfriend wants to fuck me like a bitch but my asshole's too much of a bitch to take her dick. Y'all are gay. How do you get it to go in? Is there a password I don't know? Dudes seriously how do I get her up my ass like right now??????"

Organ Wife: "Aloha Darren, Richard, Erica, and Adam! I love the podcast so much it's like when this weird thing happened to me I was also excited. Isn't that silly? Last week my boyfriend proposed marriage with a condition: I have to stop being an organ donor so all of us can get buried together. Like "all of us" meaning our organs being inside of us. I don't know where this comes from because he's not religious or anything of that sort. He says he just wants all of me forever which is a little creepy. He's not normally this way so I said yes because I love him and we've lived together for six years but now I have regrets. What should I do?"

Georg: "Hello my name is Georg and I have very large male nipples. They are frequently at attention including the areola. My shirts look like a Hoerboard. It is very distracting for the public. I cannot always wear suits but I must many times because undershirts cannot obscure my nipples and tape to conceal them irritates my nipple skin through stretching and perhaps acidic content of tape for all I know. They do not chafe much through normal activity if I let them breathe the fresh air however I cannot conceal them and do this. Have you any advice for my prominent nipple circumstance?

Best wishes,