The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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237: Pears!

January 27, 2019 at 12:00PM • 59 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about grandma's chores, war fantasties, and resilient taint rashes with special guest Darren Herczeg! Also, if you have any questions about Awkward Human history that you've always wondered about, please ask us! We are putting together an abridged history for our fifth anniversary. :)

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Story Time:

Special guests: Darren Herczeg 


Toby: "aloha you guys, this is toby. i live with my parents because im 14 but i also live with my grandma because my grandpa committed suicide last year and she has nobody to take care of her. my mom split up the duties and i got dental duty. its not a problem brushing her teeth because they come out and i can rinse them in the sink but this other thing got put on me. when she eats she gets food stuck in her teeth and needs somebody to pick her out. i thought this should be carol's job because she's got feeding duty but she says i have to pick it out with a toothpick. it takes grandma half an hour to eat so i just gotta sit there in case she needs a toothpick. it happens like 5 or 6 times but you never know when. i don't think this is fair but carol is so bossy and my mom is just over it anyway. what can i do? its so gross you guys!"

Becky: "Aloha Adam, Erica, Richard, et. al. My name is Becky and I'm a 31 year old straight female dating a 28 year old bisexual male (but those details don't matter to the problem I'm pretty sure). It might not even be a problem but I wanted to get your take on the matter.

My boyfriend talks like he was in "the war." Not a specific war but like all the wars I think? I don't know how to describe this. It's like if we go get some sandwiches and he "remembers" a flavor from his last deployment. Except he never got deployed and has never had anything to do with the military aside from video games. I also think he has repeated lines he heard in Call of Duty. I don't know if this is for real, a joke, a prank, or some such. I asked him about it being a joke once and he just said "war is not a joke" and then suggested we get some fresh pears this week and eat them on the roof while watching the stars. Sidenote- he followed through on that and it was surprisingly relaxing and fun. Pears!

Anyway "the war" is not a problem per se because our relationship is good. He doesn't do it in social situations mostly and never when it would be embarrassing for anyone with him which makes me think he knows. I know I need to sit him down and talk to him if I want to figure this out and I do because it's driving me totally bonkers! But I don't know how much of a problem it is. Do I need to take it seriously? Could it be a delusion that's a symptom of some mental disorder of some kind or is my boyfriend just weird? Well he's weird either way. I don't know if it's a problem though. What do you think?

Thank you very much!!
~~ Becky ~~"

Finlay: "Ahoy awkward humans,
My name is Finlay and I am 21 and gay. I came out last year and got a boyfriend now (Glenn who is 24). I am a top and Glenn is a bottom. He got a pretty little arse with a pink glow to it but he got a lot of sensitive skin probably because of that. His taint-area is our concern. I even lotioned my minge but to no avail... he just gets a rash every time. I tried not pumpin so hard also. Het got fewer parts of the rash but still a rash just the same. Shaving didn't help neither or puttin my cock through my pants. I'm not a brillo pad. You know what we gotta do so I can fuck him good and safe?
Also it is Glenn's birthday in a month and he loves a good cake and has lots of cactus collectibles. You got a good idea for a birthday cake?
Thanks much,