The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

Got a question or comment? Visit for lots of options! Check out our Subreddit, too!

If you love the show, please help us keep making them! (This does not require a financial contribution.)


Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

← Previous Episode   |   Next Episode →

223: A Fine Pussage

September 9, 2018 at 2:00PM • 54 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about first gay boyfriends, drunk and desirable, and buttery lies!

Awkward Story Time: Richard finds a fag hag on the subway. Erica gets domestically abused with a tennis racket. Aloha.


Matisse: "Dear Awkward Humans,
My name is Matisse and I am a 21 year old bisexual woman. I just turned 21 last weekend and got drunk like is my right as a free American woman. I also got arrested for public drunkenness with my friend Alyssa who puked in the squad car. I was to drunk to lose my shit but the officer was there in the morning to help me get home. Alyssa's brother came to get her and just left me for some reason. She tells me she doesn't even remember. The officer gave me a ride back and then asked me out on a date. I said yeah since I felt like I had to but maybe that was a bad idea? You probably can't answer this before we go on the date but what do you think? He's not ugly and seems like a nice guy, but like what did he see in me when I was half conscious and full of booze? Nothing about him seems bad except that. Like I'm cute and cool but how could he tell?

Anonymous: "Greetings awkward humans. My girlfriend is lying to me but not about an important thing. She leaves a trail of butter in the kitchen all the time even when it doesn't make sense but she denies it. We don't have pets or a lot of friends who come over so it's her or it's a ghost. When I asked her who else it might be she shrugs and doesn't know so I put my phone in the toaster and recorded her. She's taking the butter out of the wrapper and is getting it on her hands before she puts it on her food and then she wipes it on the counter and leaves it on there. Why is she doing this and why would she lie about it? She's not lying about other things I think."

Anonymous: "Hi, I'm gay and 15 in high school. I want to have a boyfriend but there's only other one gay person in school and he's feminine. What should I do?"