The Awkward Human Survival Guide Retired

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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217: Lick That Cupcake!

July 15, 2018 at 2:00PM • 1 hour 10 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about facial feedback, cake eating, the opposite of death, and secret sexuality speculation with special guest Sam DeSurra!

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

This awkward week we're talking about facial feedback, cake eating, the opposite of death, and secret sexuality speculation with special guest Sam DeSurra!

Awkward Story Time: Adam gets a compliment in a Lyft as well as an unrelated offer.

Special guests: Sam DeSurra 


Anonymous: "hi. adam kinda looks like an alien. erica looks like shes 70 years old. richard reminds me of an off brand gayer hernando from sense 8. darren is not funny. ok bye"

Ryan: "Dear Awkward Human,

I've actually written in before. I'm a 24 year old male.

My awkward situation is the following. The other night, I caught up with one of my closest female friends. We hadn't caught up in 6 months or so. The topic came up of dating. I said that I don't think I'll limit myself to just dating girls. She responded supportively which is great. The one thing she did say after I detailed how a couple times I thought I was gay that "it made perfect sense and we (my friends) has talked about how it was a possibility". I'm glad I have supportive friends, it's just irking me that they speculated about it through my time in college but never talked to me about it. I'm also not wanting to declare myself bisexual, more so loving whomever aka the person. Should I let it go and just be happy I have accepting friends? Should I ask certain friends what was said and discussed about my sexuality? "

Grace: "Hey so my boyfriend... he's a frosting licker. Give him a cupcake and he will lick the top like an ice cream cone. He leaves a thin layer of glossy, sugary saliva on top before softly gumming the cake into his mouth with bites that look huge. They're not huge. They're little baby bites. He just wants to feel the cake on his lip. I assume.

This disgusts me to my core. I don't know how to talk to him because I will lose my mind thinking about it. My fault for keeping silent for three years but in my defense I thought I could avoid it. Like how hard is it to not eat cake with somebody? Harder than I had thought."

Anonymous: "Just last Sunday I woke up with paramedics in my room, hoisting me up to get me into an ambulance. Why? For a suicide I didn't commit.

My name is Jack, I'm 17, and I'm gay. My "friend" Lacie was spending the night for a sleepover and we were talking about Rosanne and she was saying it would be funny to do Ambien to see if it turns us into bitches for Trump. It was Saturday so I was like whatever but when I wake up she's gone, I'm getting hauled into an ambulance, and my mother is hysterical because she thinks I'm like super depressed BUT I'M NOT!

After two days of arguing with the hospital where I was basically committed because that's apparently what they do, I finally convinced them I am not depressed or suicidal and they let me go after explaining it to my mother for like two hours. OMG. During all this I found out what Lacie did which was write a fake suicide note and leave it in my hand which my mom found after I didn't wake up for like three hours after she left and obviously you know what came next.

Lacie says she didn't mean for my mom to see it but she has been jealous that I'm dating this guy she definitely is crushing on big time and I am 106% sure that she did this for revenge. That bitch is dead to me so whatever that's not my problem anymore. My problem is my mom who is still treating me like I'm depressed and she will not leave me alone. My mom even talked to Lacie who told her the truth (too late bitch) and my mom just has doubts I guess. I can't even masturbate because she will unlock my door if I don't get up and do it myself to prove I don't have a gun in my mouth or an Ambien prescription I guess. My dad is totally useless with "emotions" so what do I do to convince my mom I'm not suicidal? Like the opposite of dying is just not dying which is what I'm doing all the time and always have so WTF else is there?!"