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The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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20: F****** in Mr. Smiley

July 29, 2014 at 10:30PM • 1 hour 10 minutes • Wiki Entry

This week on the podcast we're talking about a haunted v**a, who should grab the check at dinner, and the life of a phone s operator.

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Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week:

This Week's Questions:

  • Anonymous asks, "I'm haunted by Britney Spears' v****a. Not like literally because it's still probably alive but I have dreams that it visits me and we chit-chat. I wake up feeling very uncomfortable. This happens 2-4 times a week and has been going on ever since I saw that photo of her flashing the camera when getting out of the car. It just looked like it was smiling, like it knew a secret. I just want it out of my brain. Do you know any techniques?"
  • Anonymous asks, "I'm not gay, but I have a gay friend who I know is into me. He's made a few passes when we were drunk at parties and I turned him down because I was in a relationship but I'm not anymore. I need a break from the ladies, dating-wise, and I was thinking about letting my friend s*** my d***. I'm almost sure he'd be good with that arrangement but I'm not sure how to bring it up. He hasn't tried anything in a few months. Also there's another complication: we work together. We're in different departments but we see each other daily. So, how can I make this happen without tons of problems? I just want to b*** a load in his mouth for a couple of months without any BS."

    Whenever I’m out with friends, family members, or anyone else I know, I always find it to be terribly awkward when the opportunity to pay for things comes up. I have no problem taking the bill with a group of friends when we go out and get food, along with having others pay as well, but the issue is more in deciding who pays. You know how it goes: the typical “No, I’ve got it!”s and “It’s okay!”s are mentioned many times, to the point where who’s paying can even turn into a serious argument at times. I get that everyone wants to be kind and polite by taking the bill, but the resulting situation is usually pretty awkward for me, anyway.

    1. How can I just pay for everyone without creating an argument?
    2. After how many “No, it’s okay, I’ve got it!”s do I just give up, and do so politely? (i.e. not awkwardly saying “thanks”).
    ~~ Obviously it’s best to have a balance of both. ~~

    • Saying “You/me can grab it next time!” is not a solution. It only delays finding a solution to the issue.
    • What I’m talking about excludes dates or any involvement in a relationship.
    • Ideally, I know the best thing to do is split the bill, since everyone wants to make things even anyway, but a lot of people just aren’t into that.
    BOTTOM LINE: I’m curious to know how you guys handle this when you go out with friends. Thanks for whatever you’ve got for me!"

Special Segment: Interview with Cameryn Moore, a writer, performer, and sex phone operator.

Final Thoughts: A letter from Bret, entitled 'Fingers': "My boyfriend and I both agree that the few seconds that you gently tugged on the soft surface and opening of that silly s machine was just so erotic, just in the seconds you toyed with Mr Smiley. the machine not so much but your f**** were amazing.. An awkward subject to talk about. thank you.."