The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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Dowry of the Puss

178: Dowry of the Puss

August 21, 2017 at 2:00AM • 1 hour 20 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about boy pussy, mommy's panty raid, and when feline affection goes too far. Questions/comments/stories/whatevers? Call/text 509-AWKWARD or visit for all your options!

Special Guest: Nobody, because she got in a car accident :(

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Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: What is JUSPRAY? Also, why you shouldn't wear a shirt that contains words you don't understand.

This Week's Questions:

  • Vilde (Update!) asks, "I'm listening to the latest episode at work right now and I just wanted to say that I like your long monologues, partly because of the other's responses, haha. Thanks for answering my question btw! It felt really good to listen you guys talk and make jokes about it all:) I did talk to my dad and found out he also doesn't like my step sister. Heh, so now I have no idea how this moving is going to work out.... Btw, you were discussing if people in Europe use the word "fagot", so thought I would inform you that- yes, we do. I Norwegian the formal word for someone who is gay is "fagott". Actually one of the most famous Norwegian choir is actually called "Fagottkoret", or translated "The fagots' choir". They're really funny, but in Norwegian, and they're making parodies of mostly Norwegian celebrities, so you wouldn't really understand it. Wow I just rambled a lot. Ops! No need to read this on the podcast, btw. Kind regards!"
  • Innocent Gay (23/GM) asks, "So this is more of an awkward moment than a question I thought I would share to get your input. This happened like 3 or 4 years ago, I am gay but used to just lightly fool around (like make-out or id finger her never full on sex) with one of my girl best friends (let's call her Ginger). Well I had this really hot buff straight guy friend (let's call him Fuckboy) that I basically set them up to fuck. Shes nervous about going over to his house alone so I go with her and we end up all drinking and getting wasted (Fuckboy is preparing the drinks like 50/50 Alcohol to juice ratio). Me and Ginger go out to Fuckboy's backyard to smoke and me and her briefly make out for maybe 10 seconds (she initiated). We go back inside his house and are all sitting down watching a movie. After the movie Ginger goes to the restroom and while she's gone Fuckboy proposes that we have a threesome and I tell him no that she wouldn't be into that. At the end of the night I pass out and they go off and fuck. Fast forward 3 days later, Ginger calls me and asks me what happened the other night she was so wasted she couldn't remember the only thing she remembered was that she and Fuckboy fucked. So I tell her what happened that Fuckboy was the one making drinks and that me and her made out for a few and then I tell her that Fuckboy tried to convince me to do a threesome and I told him no that she wouldn't be into it. Well then she started yelling and crying saying that I planned to rape her because we made out and that I didn't pay attention to how much she was drinking and about the threesome idea from Fuckboy. So we are no longer friends and it is awkward because we have a lot of mutual friends in common (which she tells I tried to rape her) and every now and then I run into her with one of our mutual friends and it is just so awkward. What are your opinions and/or was there something I could have done differently to have saved our friendship? P.S. I am 23 now and (Just in case you were wondering) the reason I set them up was because they were both looking for a fling."
  • D/Dev (23/GM) asks, "This is a question for Awkward Human Survival Guide Podcast. (Please read in the gayest voice possible because even though I try to sound masculine my voice is as high and squeaky as a catholic priest's favorite alter boy.) Aloha (I am a 23 yr old Gay male) Me and my boyfriend live together with our dog and our cat at my grandmothers house. Our cat is pretty much a loner and goes off and does her own thing. Our dog however is very needy and an attention whore, she always follows us and has to be right on top of us all the time. This makes it difficult when we want to have sexual relations. A few nights ago my boyfriend was attempting to top me (which doesn't happen much unless I'm drunk because my bussy is usually an exit only, but I was really feeling to get into it that night) and things are going good until the dog jumps on the bed and I hear him scream. I ask him what's wrong and he says that the dog is licking his bootyhole. I get up and push her off the bed and make her go lay in her corner of the room where her bed and toys are. We then proceed him fucking my brains out until 5 minutes later he screams again saying the dog is licking it again. This happens like 3 more times that night. I don't know if he's shoving peanut butter up his ass or if my dog is just a weird little perv but this has happened every time we have sex. What do you suggest we do so that I can feel his big thick meat in my hot warm bussy again and vice versa without having to deal with a sexual deviant dog who has a weird people fetish? Please help! P.S. Bussy means boy pussy btw in case you didn't know."
  • Joanne asks, "A few years back me and my husband got a cat. The cat and him have grown very close. I thought this was sweet to begin with but over time it has started to worry me. For example, he will get on the ground when he plays with her and crawl around. Also he talks to her. I know people often talk to pets but he has very deep, profound, conversations with her. He often talks as if she responds to him. He also takes her in the shower with him. That is the only way he will let her bathe because "there should be someone with her to tell her it's ok". I wouldn't mind so much if he was simply washing her in the tub, but he actually takes a shower while holding her. I like that cat, but it's becoming strange. We recently got another cat he is no where near as close with but he sometimes refers to them as his kids. I love that he has this bond with animal but I think it's gone a bit far. How do I react? What should I do?"
  • AdorablePanties (18/F) asks, "hello people... I'm very soft spoken 18 year old women and my mom does this random raiding of my drawers so one day she went through my underwear drawer and I have like 4 thongs and other sexier style of lingerie and I kept them hidden (I bought them when I was like 15 in high school from my mom because I know she would flip out) and just the other day my mom found one of my crotch-less pair of panties and she has gotten my dad involved and the rest of the family about my sexy panties issue what do I do as a newly young adult in this fucking mess world?"

Special Segment: Win a sticker pack by emailing us with the correct answer to why Richard and I wanted to know how to pronounce Couer de Pirate.

Final Thoughts: So...would sussy be snake pussy? And does that mean Stüssy is actually just stick pussy (you know, penis)? How many kinds of pussy are there? Let us know your favorite varieties!