The Awkward Human Survival Guide Retired

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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A Penis That's a Hand Is Worth Five in the Bush

172: A Penis That's a Hand Is Worth Five in the Bush

July 4, 2017 at 6:30PM • 1 hour 8 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about secret Tinder arrangements, cum laundry, and blowing Lady Gaga. Bonus: Erica calls Air Canada and saves $60! Call/text 509-AWKWARD or visit for all your options!

Special Guest: Sarah Klegman!

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: Erica gets a little splash and Sarah has a special moment on the subway.

This Week's Questions:

  • BusinessLoansFunded (SPAM) asks, "Hi, letting you know that [URL REMOVED] can find your business a SBA or private loan for $2,000 - $350K Without high credit or collateral. Find out how much you qualify for here: [URL REMOVED] Minimum requirements include your company being established for at least a year and with current gross revenue of at least 120K. Eligibility and funding can be completed in as fast as 48hrs. Terms are personalized for each business so I suggest applying to find out exactly how much you can get on various terms. This is a free service from a qualified lender and the approval will be based on the annual revenue of your business These funds are Non-Restrictive, allowing you to spend the full amount in any way you require including business debt consolidation, hiring, marketing, or Absolutely Any Other expense. If you need fast and easy business funding take a look at these programs now as there is limited availability. Click Here: [URL REMOVED] Have a great day, The Business Loans Funded Team"
  • Jojo (21/BF) asks, "I met a guy on Tinder and we had this friends with benefits, best friends but in secret sort of arrangement. In a span of a month we had spent so much time together and he was just my type from looks down to the personality. On our first date, we clicked almost instantaneously; I genuinely loved his company and I could tell he did, too. On that date, we hit it off not only that way but also that way (*winky face*). Then and there we had a no guilty pleasures thing and clarified that we liked each other a lot but we aren't interested in anything serious. Fast forward a little in our relationship, we established some rules: we were sexually exclusive, we only do things we mutually want, and one rule we stressed is that no one ends up falling for the other. I learned later on that I broke the latter rule. For awhile I was torn between telling him how I felt and breaking it off and keeping in while getting hurt in the process. I decided to tell him. He opposed this idea telling me that we had a beautiful friendship and I was being selfish for wanting to break it off, eventually we just gave each other the cold shoulder. I told him 'wow, I got friendzoned,' and he said 'I didn't friendzone you, I just wasn't ready.' Now, just a few weeks after the 'break up', he hit me up again asking if I was okay with grabbing coffee again with him. He asked again another week after. Both times I said no just because I was still trying to move on. My questions are, how do you think he feels about me? Does he like me the way I used to like him? What is he after? If it helps, I am 21 bi female and he is 24 straight male. He currently works for a real estate company, fresh from college and I'm reviewing to take my teacher's licensure exam also fresh from college. Side note, I just graduated on June 26! I liked him A LOT and am taking awhile to get over him. I'm so confused as to what he feels for me or even if he feels anything at all. I'm sorry if this is quite long. I'm just hoping to at least grasp an idea of closure. I love your show and thank you for taking time to read through this. <3"
  • Sam (24/GM) asks, "Hey so tell me what to do! I do Lady Gaga (in drag but like an homage and not so much a drag perf) and that's great. I do others also but that doesn't get me in trouble with men. The straights sometimes wanna get with me in uniform so I will deviate from my strongly-held opinion on fucking in someone else's skin, but the gays want to get with Gaga too and I just don't want that shit in the bedroom. You can say it all you want but bitch be sure that boner's gonna die when a man doesn't get what he wants. But fuck it I just want a goddam blow job where I don't have to do a performance at the same time. It's like half the time this is going on and it doesn't matter if I say anything. Like they just find it. I tried telling them in advance, no Gaga sex. I tell them it's just my work but to no avail. Tell me what to do so I can get my dick sucked in PEACE!"
  • Liz (F/30s) asks, "Hola amigos, here is a question on cum. Does it wash out of things or do you need to use a special wash cycle? I have two sons who masturbate more than boys should IMHO but as their mother I would rather they explore their bodies in a tshirt or watermelon than an unprotected vagina or any vagina for now. They are 12 and 13 and very sweet but also very horny. I am a single mother and have man friends up the wazoo but cannot 'cum' across a particular answer pun intended. :-) :-) :-) I am only in my thirties. Life is good but I just want to get better at the laundry. How do you get cum out of cotton and cotton-polyester blends? Please!"

Special Stuff: Please support us on Patreon! :)

Final Thoughts: Happy 4th of July!

Related Links:

  • The 12 weirdest animal penises on Earth: The Week: "Procreating is serious business in the animal kingdom, and Mother Nature has gone out of her way to cleverly ensure the survival of her many, many denizens. From sex organs with multiple heads to prodigious shafts exceeding an animal's own body length, here are 12 of the weirdest (and often scariest) animal penises on the planet."
  • Green Porno Star Isabella Rossellini Takes on Insect Sex: Wired: "Since starring as the gorgeous mystery woman in Blue Velvet, Isabella Rossellini has earned a living as a model and actress famed for her exotic beauty."
  • Insane Clown Posse: And God created controversy: "America's nastiest rappers in shocking revelation – they've been evangelical Christians all along."
  • Jackin' World: Don't do what this web site says please.