The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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166: Hacked

May 24, 2017 at 5:00AM • 1 hour 29 minutes • Wiki Entry

IMPORTANT: We were hacked and almost completely wiped out financially. We need your help. We're not asking for money, just a small act of kindness. Please visit for more information.

This awkward week we're talking about ugly photogenics, gay love triangles, and what penises feel like in vaginas (as if any of us know). Questions/comments/stories? Call/text 509-AWKWARD or visit!

Special Guest: Ceci Granados

Please visit and help us turn this tragedy into a positive thing.

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: On a more serious note than usual, Adam was hacked and discusses what that means for Awkward Human and how we can attempt to overcome this together.

This Week's Questions:

  • Mattheyous asks, "Dear Awkward Humans, I haven’t heard of anything that Gabe talks about other than Nymphadora Tonks in Harry Potter—and that’s fictional. How alone time does Gabe have? Because I spend the majority off my time alone and I notice things that other people wouldn’t—both because I have a very analytical mind and because I have characteristics of OCD (which is part of Cystinosis—the characteristics, not full on OCD). For example I’ve been sitting here typing andI I swear to God that my computer isn’t straight (it’s on a stand)….but it is. That being said she could be not imagining it. My hair stylist has this thing with her eyes that they get really dilated (like I thought she was high) when she’s well rested. TL;DR bodies are weird. Also, Richard, you need to watch The Twilight Zone, I wouldn’t say it was horror or Lovecraft but some of the episodes have a slightly cosmic horror bent to it. Last I checked it’s on Netflix. Mattheous"
  • Lori (SF) asks, "so i was thinking bout this forever, thot u all could tell me the answer. what do guys feel when they put penises in girls? wuts the other side of it like?"
  • Matt (28/SM) asks, "How does one get off of antidepressants when they need to be antidepressed? I mean I've got issues y'all but I am on six pills because I'm a hot mess if not. I can't cum, I don't feel very much in general, and I kind of don't see a point in living or dying so it's real hard to tell you what that's like. I guess it's like nothing matters no matter what it is. This has started me on a weird behavior track where I am testing reality by doing stuff I shouldn't do because I don't care about it. It actually started when I was on five pills and then I told my psychiatrist who put me on six pills. I switched psychiatrists to try and get off the pills but the new one says I need to be on the pills. I'm doing stuff like going into the break room at Walmart and hanging out or singing Beyonce at the bank. I'm not doing like actual bad stuff except when I peed on a school bus but nobody got mad about that one. I'm an adult of 28 years so that should have been creepy but the bus driver I think was high and the kids thought it was funny. So I want off the drugs but I don't know how to make that happen because obviously I need drugs but also drugs are not a good thing for me. I know you've said antidepressants don't work very well and that is my experience but do I need five? Like how many psychiatrists do I need to ask to get a better menu of meds or am I just pretty fucked until somebody comes up with a miracle?"
  • Anonymous (22/SF) asks, "I dunno what it is you guys but Im really pretty in selfies and photos but I guess not attractive in real life. How does this work? I go on dates with guys and nothin ever works out. They dont even wanna have sex. I thought I was boring but then my friends told my photos look a lot better than me actually which I was thinking was shitty until I asked some of the guys if they thought I was like my photos and they didnt say I was ugly since they were being polite but it was obvious thats what was going on. My last date said I look more unique in person so you know what that means. Well I dont but it sure doesnt mean pretty. Like Im pretty easy going and fun I think. I dont filter my photos or try to look different or take them in the dark. I just dont know what Im getting wrong."
  • Gene Kelly (GM) asks, "I am a man and I am gay. I have a gay boyfriend and a gay best friend who are also men which you can guess I think. The boyfriend and have five years on each other and my gay best friend has like twice as many. I always had the feels for him but we tried when we were young and dumb and you know what else so that went to shit but we did the friend thing. I think we fell in love recently tho and I really want to get with him but I got a good thing going with the boyfriend who I'm committed to. We will do threesomes but my GBF is off limits for jealousy reasons. Ugh. I don't want to leave a good thing but I also got to know if this thing with my BGF is the real deal. I know the whole grass is greener bullshit but this one has history. Should I do something here? Like what's right? I know what my boyfriend is going to say if I ask him about this and it's not the answer I'm wanting."

Special Segment: Not this week, for probably obvious reasons!

Final Thoughts: Stay safe!

Related Links:

  • Left Hand Comedy: Ceci's comedy group on Funny or Die! Check it out!
  • Watch this video and help us survive the hack: We can do this together. :)
  • Help Us Survive the Hack: Keep up with the hack and find out how you can help at We're asking people to donate to Good Will (or another charity that accepts stuff you don't need) and help us protest @Coinbase and @CoinbaseSupport on twitter to get our money back.
  • Roundteam: Automatic retweeting, if you wish.
  • IFTTT: If This Then That is another way to automate tweets for free, but we've never been able to get it to work properly (or, at least, reliably). But if you can, great! It's a great service anyway so you might as well sign up for it and do something. :)