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The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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The Unflushable Shituation

158: The Unflushable Shituation

March 26, 2017 at 8:00PM • 1 hour 8 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about more bisexual bridesmaids, passing odors, and the unflushable shituation! Questions/comments/stories/whatevers? Call/text 509-AWKWARD or visit for more options!

Special guests: IUD Girl (Lindsay Bring) and IUD Guy (John Bring)

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: John and Lindsay aren't having a baby.

This Week's Questions:

  • BB (Bisexual Bridesmaid Blues) asks, "Hi, Bisexual Bridesmaid again! Thank you so much for your advice! I was surprised at how nervous I was to hear your responses, I guess because part of me was worried I was overreacting or being a bitch about the situation... but you all made me feel a lot better. Thank you. I have had a talk with the bride. She actually messaged me saying that my family was causing "bad feelings" and arguments between her and my brother by suggesting they get a professional caterer in... Yikes! Anyway, during that conversation I told her that the wedding was making me very stressed out, so I couldn't be involved in anything other than showing up on the day. She said she will get her aunt to sort out transporting the food, so that's a relief. Since we had that conversation, I have politely refused every time she has messaged asking for help with something, and I plan on being consistent with that. I have a feeling they will still try and get me to help with stuff on the day, but I will do my best to stay strong. With regards the multiple bridal parties: the bride is having a slumber party night with the bridesmaids, as well as the traditional drunken party on a different night. My plan is not to stay too long at the big party, and bring some good movies to the slumber party. That way, even if I don't have a great time I can at least watch some great films. I think they went with red and black as a colour scheme as an attempt at being gothic, but since Darren brought up the nazi colour-scheme connection, I can't unsee it! Which I actually appreciate, because now instead of cringing at their wedding cake (They're having a "gothic castle" design, which I think is a kids disney castle cake made up using black and red icing?) I'll probably find it hilarious. Thanks Darren! The wedding is just over a month away, and I will update you when it's over. (Assuming I have any good stories about it.) Thanks again, BB"
  • James (28/SM) asks, "28 Straight Male from the UK. Less of a question more of a weird thing that I do that you guys might like. I get *really* uncomfortable when someone runs past me on the street. I never know how to react so I either:
    1. Hold my breath until I am well out of "smell" so that I don't have to smell the person who ran past.
    2. Try to hold my breath but accidentally breath in the sweaty, moist air that the runner left trailing behind them and then feel disgusted.
  • Princess Grandma asks, "Hola Awkward Humans. I'm writing today because I'm in desperate need of help with a roommate related 'shit-uation.' I've written in before about this a while ago. One of my 6 roommates is a splatter shitter (sorry to be gross). This person, as far as I can tell, has never cleaned their own shit off of the inside of the toilet bowl. It will appear one day and stay there until I or my partner cleans it off. I realize you may have some questions to get a full scope of the shit-uation but I'll try my best to be clear. I'm 90% sure of who the mystery shitter is because this only happens when they are in town (they travel often for work). It also didn't start until they moved into a room closer to the bathroom in question. The layout of our apartment is kind of weird. The bathroom is on an elevated platform in the middle of a public space and the walls do not go all the way up to the ceiling. It's basically an indoor out-house. (There is a long strange history of different artist who have lived in and built up the space including a gay industrial designer who would host sex parties in the bathroom he built to be like a public shower or something.) Anyway, the semi-privacy makes it difficult to conceal some bathroom sounds, namely splatter shitting. There are 2 other bathrooms on our floor but they insist on using this one. Since I last wrote in my partner and I have remodeled this bathroom. We tore up linoleum, painted the walls, installed a mirror, built a shower curtain rod, and a bunch of other stuff to make the bathroom a clean and non-crappy place for everyone (but mostly us since we're the ones who did all the work). That's why I'm extra annoyed at this person for grossing up my bathroom like, once a week. Before you ask, yes, my partner and I are moving out of this "shit hole". We're waiting for some job stuff to go through and it's looking good but it's not totally confirmed when the move will happen. Likely in the next 3-4 months. Last night I wrote a pretty snappy email to my roommates about the bathroom saying it's starting to look "shitty" again and can we please work harder at keeping it clean. Yeah, I've become that roommate but I don't care because I refuse to be cool about cleaning up someone else's shit. Is there any hope for me to confront this person head on and tell them that they are gross? I don't care that much about them or about hurting their feelings. I mostly resent that this has become such a big part of my life and consciousness. (I've gone over this with my therapist. She thinks this person has an unexpressed anger problem.) I mean, I could confront them but I don't want to have a fucking conversation about it. I don't want to be friendly and mull it over. I want them to know that they've caused me all this distress and it's because they're an inconsiderate shit head. I almost forgot to mention, our 'indoor out-house' is located right next to the kitchen so it's not uncommon for us to be cooking or eating while this person decides to go to the bathroom. I now refuse to be in the kitchen while anyone is in the bathroom. I think it's starting to make me phobic of being in the kitchen at all. Also when this person isn't in the bathroom they're almost always in the kitchen just fucking hanging out. It's hard to avoid them. Also they're vegan."

Special Segment: Your butt!

Final Thoughts: If you ate a literal knuckle sandwich, do you think it would damage your teeth or the chef would take the time to thoroughly soak the knuckles to give them a chewy, rich texture you can enjoy?