The Awkward Human Survival Guide Retired

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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Hangin' and Bangin' with Catwoman

154: Hangin' and Bangin' with Catwoman

February 26, 2017 at 7:45PM • 1 hour 7 minutes • Wiki Entry

It's three awkward weeks before our third year anniversary! But for now, we're talking about first-time parenting, artistic DNA, and dating catwoman. Questions/comments/stories/etc.? Call/text 509-AWKWARD or visit!

Special guest: Johannah Berger

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: Johannah eats her placenta and tells the tale.

This Week's Questions:

  • Smoggies asks, "Hi Adam and friends. Thank you for reading my message to Darren. Last things... 1. what do you think of my music video? I'm surprised Erica hasn't seen it since it's a French Canadian cartoon. and 2. Listening to Darren and Richard going back and forth was simply chocolate to my ears. I don't know who can outsass the other. Damn, I wonder what it would be like to be a fly on the wall when those two actually get in a real disagreement. Sooooooo hilarious. They should have their own podcast where they just roast everything. P.S. thank you again."
  • CanaDan asks, "Hey Adam et al., I meant to send this to you before we got an answer from Beethoven. I figured I’d share it anyway in case anyone else finds a loved one secretly collecting their DNA. There’s this company DNA 11 that lets you get artwork made out of your DNA, which could also serve as a cool gift. Based on what I can tell, it looks like they use a small DNA sample, like from a hair or mouth swab, to run gel electrophoresis: a biochemical technique used to visualize different sizes of DNA fragments in a sample. By using enzymes to chop up your DNA in different places, followed by separating the resulting fragments on a gel, each person’s DNA could result in a unique pattern of bands depending on which gene variants they have. So it looks like there may be good intention for someone to collect your DNA without consent after all! Hope this is helpful, Daniel"
  • Barry (29/?) asks, "I have this really weird friend and found your podcast a few months ago so two and two got together and decided on emailing my worldwide coworkers or whatever. So hey dudes, I'm Barry! Not gay but not straight but not bisexual and 29 and still questioning what I really am as a sexual person or even a gender. I know about all that gender fluidity business but I don't feel like an anything if you know what I mean. I don't dress in girl clothes or paint my face up but I don't have a football or a keg so that goes both ways or more. I go a lotta ways is what I am trying to say. I met this cat girl (or cat woman if you like) who does her eyes like a cat and does cat things like lick herself and purr. It doesn't go too far but it's her identity. She also likes it when I rape fantasy her and has some family shit I am not gonna touch because I think that's all related and we've been hanging and banging for only almost two months now. I didn't know about the rape fantasy stuff but kinda got into it and I'm getting something out of it somehow so that's been cool 'cept the cat thing I can't get all the way. She's not a cat and not ever gonna be a cat but I'm not sure she agrees. And it's like not that I care but I don't know what I am very much and that's cool with me but she thinks she knows all about who she is and is just stubborn about it. I'm not saying she's gotta change or nothing but she is so sure of who and what she is but I don't think she really is. But am I projecting my shit onto her cat shit or is this legit? Just wanna try and clear that up so I don't piss her off. You don't piss off a cat you know."
  • Anonymous asks, "Is it odd that I think food is better than sex?"
  • Anonymous asks, "Are y'all really weird?"

Special Segment: Johannah talks to us about what it's like raising a child for the first time.

Final Thoughts: Everything in our universe is cyclical. Food goes into your mouth and later, after processing emerges from your butthole. But that's only half the cycle. Each poop has a unique narrative, finding its way back into the world to create purpose. All stories end with a return home after a departure. You've created many personal stories of poop over the years, but have you ever noticed when the poops return home during their narrative? The poop always comes back to you—it's how the universe functions—but have you ever truly known your poop again before the cycle is complete? Maybe Dan Harmon knows the truth...

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