The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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137: Uh Oh Spaghetti-O, Motha F$%&@!

October 26, 2016 at 12:45PM • 1 hour 13 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about coworkers of the office, ladies giving handjobs, and Jesus vs. bisexuality. Questions/comments/stories/KLEGMANS?!?!? Call 509-AWKWARD or visit if you don't have the Klegmans to call us. ????

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: Erica and Adam share their experiences with the confluence of intercourse and sinus irrigation.

This Week's Questions:

  • Anonymous asks, "Adam, here is the photo of what happened from using too much suction."
  • Malaria Mudslide asks, "
    Part I
    Aloha Awkward Fellows! An update on my boyfriend and I, for those who care, we're communicating better and everything is super great! Thank you for all of your help. So I need some major help. I was 'outted' at college. As in, someone (I don't know who), told my all of friends that I'm bisexual. I was out and proud (funnily enough, I was 'outted' then too) in high school and was bullied a lot for it, so when I went to a college that is pretty far away I figured I could slip back into the closet. Now, I'm sure you guys are thinking, 'what's the big deal? It's college, people should be open and accepting!' Apparently, my campus is the polar opposite of every other college in existence, as in I have been told by my friends that they simply don't 'believe' in bisexuality. (What the fuck!?! Am I imaginary??) Most recently I was told that I was going to hell for my sins, I responded with 'that's not what your mom said last night' (this is extra snarky as I'm female). I was kicked out of our 'safe space' (don't be overly offensive, no bullying, etc.) classroom, according to our professor I was not being sensitive to her religion. So my request boils down to this: what do I do? I feel super alone and hurt, college is supposed to be this super fun time, and now I'm being treated like a pariah. Is there anything I can say to get them to leave me alone that won't get me kicked out of class? And, lastly, do any of you have encouraging words to make this entire time a little less terrible?
    Part II
    I feel like I should clear somethings up for y'all:
    1. In high school I was outed by an ex but due to the fact that my closet friends knew and would defend me to the death I wasn't afraid of bullying.
    2. I realize that bullying sounds like not a big deal but it really sucks to be going through it when you're already under stress from college and work
    3. A safe space is meant to provide a learning environment where nobody feels attacked or ridiculed for their opinion or their lifestyle. So yes, I did violate the safe space, but I did so to a lesser degree than my classmate who LITERALLY told me that I'm going to hell and that God hates me. I now face disciplinary action, she does not.
    So yeah, lemme know if you have any other questions."
  • Martin (Late 50s/SM) asks, "Coworkers, I have an age old question about age. I'm a man pushing 60 and recently divorced. My daughter set up Tindr on my phone and I matched with a young woman. She is 21 and my daughter is 24. Feeling flattered I went on the date, assuming it was a harmless decision but we met and had an amazing time. I took her home and we made plans to meet again. Still she is younger than my daughter and I don't know how this will make her feel. As young people with divorced parents, do you think this is a bad idea? Is it wrong? This young woman makes me happy and I want to see where our time together takes us, but my daughter is my first priority and I have never spent intimate time with a younger woman like this."
  • Ben (22/BM) asks, "Aloha co-workers of the world! I got an annoying co-worker of my office to ask you about. Just got my first job outta college and already got problems. Let me paint you a picture of this woman. She looks like little orphan Annie but she got a blonde perm. She got a face full of dimples and a vagina mouth like Julia Roberts. Kinda cute but off-looking too. Wears old vintage dresses like green with patterns or blue with polka dots. She wore that red one with the white collar like Annie so that's why the comparison if you were curious. Anyways she talks old too and all her mistakes get followed up by 'uh oh spaghetti-o!' and I can't take this shit anymore. She drop a pen and it's spaggheti-o or she walks into her cube when she's talking to someone and not looking. Uh oh spaggheti-o, motha fucka. She use it more than a catch phrase on TV but she like this sweet little girl so you can't get all up in her business about it. Everybody gonna defend her if I'm like stop being annoying with your spaggheti-o shit. It's just like too cheery like it's BS. Should I suck it up or what?"
  • Michaela (25/SF) asks, "Do guys like hand jobs? My boyfriend is always complaining about mine like it's too soft or too much gripping and he gets bored if I try to like do it in the middle. He showed me what he does and it looks the same as what I do. He did it with my hand and I'm like not getting the difference but he said it wasn't right or anything if he did it with my hand. He couldn't make my hand do it right. I'm not getting anywhere and he gets annoyed and then just wants to fuck and that's fine I like that better than his whining anyway but can I do this or do guys not like hand jobs because they masturbate better? I asked him what else to do and he said he doesn't know. We both listen to your show so I said we should write in and he said sure."

Special Segment: No special event this week! We're just doing a good, old-fashioned episode. :)

Final Thoughts: Okay, seriously you guys, you need to call 509-AWKWARD and give us an explanation of the Klegman blow job. Come on. We'll disguise your voice. Let's get this settled already!