The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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136: This or That: To Eat or Poop a Pinecone

October 16, 2016 at 7:00PM • 1 hour 34 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about Todd Problems™, fat lesbian lovers, and the bonus hole boys. Questions/comments/stories? Call/text 509-AWKWARD or visit for more options.

Special guests: Chris, Danielle, and Josh from the This or That podcast!

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: Josh meets a colorful old man at the gym.

This Week's Questions:

  • Julia N. (23/SF) writes, "Loved the show! Thanks so much for the advice. I have an update...we successfully had a threesome with my guy. It was so fun. And speaking on throat trauma, mine is super bruised. We are now chatting with a couple, which also sounds great. Thanks again for your help! "
  • Anonymous writes, "Hey Adam, the bruising of the throat thing has actually happened to me as well... I went to my medical doctor because I thought my then slutty boyfriend had given me an std. The first thing I was was asked was if I had anything thing that would have caused any suction such as drinks from bottles(The doctor obviously knew but was trying to prevent embarrassment.) I didn't tell her I thought it was an STD because I had been getting sore throats and step throat a lot because of problems with my tonsils and thought it was just something to do with that. The bruising was caused from a lot of suction because the tissue on the roof of my mouth was inflamed, not from friction. If the person who called in was getting over a sickness or just starting it was probably the same as mine. I don't have a picture on hand but I can look and send one later."
  • Rob calls in to comment on blow job throat bruising and to share his feelings for Toni. Listen here."
  • Suzie's Friend asks, "Aloha, everyone! One of my friends is desperate for a relationship. Suzie's a lesbian in her mid 20s, and she's used every dating app in existence. She has SO much trouble finding anyone to go out with her and agonizes over it SO much that I'm tempted to steal her phone and do some Cyrano de Bergerac shit. She's really fun to hang out with, wears her feelings on her sleeve, and is attentive without being stalkerish. The only thing I can think of that could be causing all these issues is her weight. She weighs about 300 pounds. While she's trying to lose weight - and she's doing really well - I can't help but wonder... there ARE people out there that like heavy ladies, right? I mean, she's had this issue for YEARS. Are people really this shallow? Where are the chubby chasers? The feeders? The People That Happen to Like Women of Size. These people exist! Where the fuck are they?! To clarify, she's had a handful of dates that led nowhere quickly. She's not immensely picky either. And she's beautiful, weight and all. I just don't get it. She asks me what's wrong with her, and I have nothing to say, because she's wonderful. Help me find Suzie a date!"
  • Kyle (28) asks, "Ahola, folks. I love your show, I've heard every episode, and I think you're probably the only people I can come to with this. Boy, do I have an awkward question. Part one: I'm a 28 year-old gay (biological) male, and I've been experiencing gender dysphoria pretty hard the last two years. However, I'm terrified to transition. Partially because I've been in a long term relationship with a great guy for six years. Part two: I've been especially thinking about this more and more - multiple times a day - because I ran into this site (NSFW) called Bonus Hole Boys and now it's like I'm obsessed. THAT'S what I want to be so badly. It's like I've seen this image, and now it's become the Holy Grail in my mind of the perfect compromise. I think I could be happy that way. Am I crazy? Would any doctors even help me with this? Is there a name or label for people like me? Cause I certainly can't find one. Thank you for your time, and your continued dedication to the podcast, Kyle."
  • Todd Problems (20/SF) asks, "Hi coworkers! So firstly I love your show and I listen religiously every week. I am in desperate need of advice and I hope you guys can help me. I am a 20 year old straight female, and I am currently dating a 26 year old straight guy - we have been together for almost 2 years. Before him, I was in a relationship for years with an extremely abusive and older guy. So being with this new guy, lets call him Todd, it's nice because it's so normal. He is really understanding about most of my PTSD problems and lets me take things as slow as I need to. So, here is my problem: I stay over at his house 2-4 nights per week, and he really wants to move in together. My issue is that I'm worried that if we move in we will never break up and our relationship will only get more and more serious. He is only my second boyfriend (actually my first real relationship because let's not count the abusive guy) and he is also only the second guy I've ever slept with. I'm worried I'm missing out on other people, and I'm worried I'm not as in love as I should be to move in with him. This is not a problem for Todd, who has already gone through his "slutty" phase and slept around, and has also been in a few long term relationships. (Which I'm kinda jealous of, but that's not my big problem here). Also, when I talk to my friends who are in relationships, none of them have this "am I missing out?" feeling, so does this make me a bad person!? I really want to feel the way they feel about their boyfriends about mine, and I end up thinking things such as "well it's not as hard for them, at least their boyfriend is tall, rich, etc" and pretty much just end up jealous of their relationships. But I still feel like I would be so upset and heartbroken if MY relationship was over. I currently live at home, and while that has its own tensions, it's cheaper than moving out and I'm not unhappy enough to move out into a share house or something. Should I move out with him because it's comfortable? Or am I being horrible and unfair to him, since I know he is more "in love" than I am? Is the age gap a problem? I don't want to break up, it's really comforting having him around at this point, but I also know this isn't fair to him. When I tell him that I'm not quite ready to move in, he says he is sick of the relationship all being on "my terms". He says I get to make all the important decisions because of my PTSD from my previous relationship, and so now he wants to be able to have some say in what goes on. What should I do? Any thoughts?? Thank you x"

Special Segment: We're joined by the hosts of the This or That podcast and try to stump them with troubling "would you rather" questions.

Final Thoughts: Which ex-president that you did not vote for (or would not have voted for) would you have sex with in order to save the country. (So no Obama here, sorry!)

Related Links:

  • Trans Health Clinics: The organizations listed below provide health clinics that specialize in trans health care, including primary medical care and support services.