The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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134: Mexican-Flavored Diabetes, Bro

October 4, 2016 at 1:00AM • 60 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about attractive men, diabetes, and musical interns. Questions/comments/stories? Call/text 509-AWKWARD or visit!

Special guest: Toni Mayer

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: Toni goes to the dentist for an especially oral exam.

This Week's Questions:

  • Your New Fan asks, "Hi Erica and Adam (and everyone else)! I'm so excited to say hello to you guys. I'm a 26 year old, female, bisexual. I recently discovered the podcast on Spotify. I've been listening to you guys non-stop! You guys are super hilarious and I've learnt so much! Adam you are super sweet! Richard, I like your laugh. And Erica (goddamit why are you not gay?), your voice is sooooooo super sexy! I absolutely love the way you read people's emails. I think I have a slight crush on you. I just wanted to say that I love you guys so very much and enjoy how you dissect a problem. Lots of love, Your New Fan! (Ps: I'd just like to be known as Your New Fan, if you are gonna read this on the podcast. I really hope you do.)"
  • Sitless Unpaid Slave (22/F) asks, "Aloha!! So, I started an unpaid internship in this awesome place. It's a small law firm, with 3 associates and 4 consultants and shares an office with another firm. The thing is the first day they told me to sit anywhere as they didn't really had assigned sits. I did as they said for about a week with no problem as the consultants don't come everyday to the office. However, I figured out they are used to sit in certain places when, one day, a consultant (let's call her Natalie) came and kind of let me know that is where she sits but, for the day, I could use the desk as she would work somewhere else. That same day, another consultant came to the office and saw that her spot was occupied by Natalie, and awkwardly ended up sitting on the conference room. Natalie went on vacations for a month and I happily used her spot but she will come back this week and I guess she would like to sit while she works. I know it's kind of stupid, but I find the lack of an assigned spot somewhat problematic. I don't know which day which consultant will come to work and I’m certain these people DOES have assigned sits (even if it's somewhat implicit) because each desk has personal and work related stuff. I come to work every day and don’t really know where to sit as I don’t know which of these fuckers will come. I don't know what to do. Do I just sit in the conference room? What do I do if it is occupied? If the associates want me to sit in the same area as them, what do I do if the desk-owner comes? I love this place, I’m freaking working for free here and I know I’m in the lowest level of the pyramid, but I would like to have a level of certainty on the place I’ll place my butt at. Maybe it’s useful to know I’m a 22 year old female, awkward, and shy as fuck."
  • Anonymous (SM) asks, "I know I'm an attractive man, and Darren you don't need a photo for this sorry. I catch women checking me out but, however, I am rarely approached. I'm just wondering what goes through a female's mind at that moment. Are they intimidated, nervous? Why not ask a man out? I have this genetic advantage and I wouldn't mind some attention once in awhile. I'm not lazy, just thinking wishfully."
  • Arnie (17/M) asks, "My bro just got diabetes #2 and that shit sucks donkey cock. He always like going on about it and can't eat anything no more. Like no Fast food, no Fridays and no nothing. I gotta eat but he don't wanna eat nowhere. He goes hungry 24/7 but don't wanna eat unless it's some dumb shit like a steak. I got no money for steak. What do I tell him? He acts like a bitch. I love my bro but this shit SUCKS. I don't got diabetes so why I gotta deal with it?"

Special Segment: Your butt?

Final Thoughts: Do you know the muffin man? We've always believed we knew his location, but as it turns out there are no muffin men on Drury or Mulberry lane. Are we in a post-muffin man age or is he simply a conspiracy to distract us from the muffin truth? Never stop asking.

Related Links:

  • My 14-Hour Search for the End of TGI Friday's Endless Appetizers: What if I told you that mozzarella sticks never had to end? That for $10, you could eat for free (for $10) for the rest of your natural life? That there exists a spot in the space-time continuum in which it is always Friday? That there are free refills on all Slushes™ excluding Red Bull® branded items?