The Awkward Human Survival Guide Retired

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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131: Fashion Santa

September 13, 2016 at 12:45AM • 1 hour 24 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about pooping during sex, getting nude in your cubicle, and Fashion Santa. Question/comment/story/etc.? Call/text 509-AWKWARD or visit!

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: Richard makes a controversial joke at the office, Will almost maybe gets attacked by a golf club, and Adam questions the boundaries of a professional relationship.

This Week's Questions:

  • Anonymous (31/SM) asks, "Thank you for writing... Seriously. Thank you. Once you read what happened to me, you might wonder, "Why the hell does this person think I care to know his business?" I promise it's not about that, I just need to explain how you and your colleague saved a friendship and what could have been a terrible situation. Before this week, I had no clue who you or Adam Dachis were. I'd like to share a personal story with you that just happened. Please keep this anonymous. I'm terrible at following stuff or people online but I had read an excerpt of TAHSG maybe month or 2 ago. It made an impression, but as usual I just went along my day. Fast forward to Sunday. I am having a fun time with a friend who I really care about and we're having a fun sexcapade since I'm moving out of state soon and it was our last hoorah. At one point I start doing everything imaginable to her and her ass. Then, it happened... I felt something coming and yup, it was poo. I had poo on me. My brain immediately went back to the article. My body wanted to panic and yell, "AAHH WTF?!" but something clicked and I am so happy to share that I didn't freak out. I actually was very calm about it. I leaned towards her and kissed her cheek and said, "Hey, we're having a lot of fun right now, and I'm gonna tell you something I don't want you to freak out about, everything is all good." She was embarrassed for a split second. I think it was only till she realized I was good. We then cleaned up, and cuddled after. Im a 31yr old male who would have been such a wuss about this and I would have overreacted and lost a great friend. Thank you again, whatever the reason behind your writing is, know that it is making a real difference in someones life. If I ever bump into you guys, drinks on me. Please forward this to Mr. Dachis as well. Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
  • Virginia (22/SF) asks, "So, is not a huge thing but is something that worries me. I'm 22 and a virgin, is not something religious or like I am saving for someone special neither I'm I utterly ugly, it just hasn't happened. my old friends know about this but my new ones don't and I don't really know If I should approach it (as conversations about sex are not rare and I don't know how to dodge that bullet anymore)). Also, how should I disclose it to the guy I'm seeing and with whom I'd like to have sex? I am kind of embarrassed because of it."
  • Lisanne (29/GF) asks, "I am 29 year old a lesbian lady. I asked my neighbor out. She lives three doors down. Hot girl, great attitude, loves cats. She rejected me two months ago and it blew my mind because she flirted all the time when I'd see her. She's one of those girls who walks her cat on the leash and gets out a lot. When she burned me I thought "that sucks ass" but perhaps she's the type of person who walks her cat on a leash and has other strange proclivities I'll clash with. I brushed it off, no big. Right? I see her a couple months later. That was a week ago. What does she do? She wants to get a drink. I say okay. We get a drink. She flirts. I'm confused. She asks me out for another drink. I say yes. I think, what's she after? Why does she want me now? Is she leading me on? Lots of questions. I ask her and she tells me I ask too many questions. I don't beat around the bush (pun intended?) but she confused me for shit. What's going on with this lady? What the fuck does she want with me? Some ego thing? I think I gotta cut ties, but I want to fuck her pretty bad too. What would Erica do? (WWED?)"
  • Anonymous (SM) asks, "Quick question from a 20-something dude. I got an email from a hot chick in HR. I wanted to bang her dope ass from the interview. Damn. She left me a post-it with interest. I post-it'd her right back and we've been doing that at an erotic level for days!! JUST NOW, like RIGHT NOW I got one about getting nude in her office next week after people go home on Muuuunday. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE answer this. Should I do it???"
  • Edwin (24/SM) asks, "I'm 24 and a guy that has never had a girlfriend before. Am I going to be like this forever? Because it's like getting a love is so difficult at this stage especially for a shy guy who is boring at conversing with others. I was told by a female friend that I know it doesn't look like I'm ever going to get a gf now because I couldn't do it in college or high school so I'm not desirable. She's right though, because I don't know how to dress well or look nice. I'm out of shape and not tall or anything sexy like that. I don't know what I have to offer anyone. I have an infected toenail that just never will grow normally and is green most of the times, but nobody finds that interesting. I don't like pets. I tried having a chinchilla once because I found it on the sidewalk playing with a drug needle and felt bad for it, but it died when I tried giving it a bath so I don't want to take that risk again. I don't know if it was my fault. Maybe you can help me find a way to be interesting. I enjoy building with legos but just not around other people. I will do it on webcam sometimes if I have a chat partner and we can talk without me being on the camera. I have the legos on instead. Sometimes I put a lego character in with the thing I'm building so it's like there is a person there. I also like phones. Smartphones are okay but I mean old telephones. I take them apart and make them into things. One is a taffy dispenser and another is a soap dispenser. There all some kind of dispensers because I'm not very creative and I can only think of new ways to dispense things. I want to make a ketchup and mustard phone and a salt and pepper phone, but the problem is I don't have a real kitchen or place to eat so it would go to waste. Do you have to refrigerate condiments all the time, by the way? I don't know a lot about food and I don't like to read. I almost had a girlfriend this one time when I ate at Burger King and my friend paid me to ask out a girl there. She said okay and I gave her my number but she never called me. That was the closest I got once. Sometimes I think a girl thinks I did something interesting but usually she doesn't. Usually I start telling her about legos and she thinks it's cute or something until I talk about it for more than a minute in which case it becomes boring because that's what everyone thinks about me. I don't know how to be interesting or find a lover so if you know what to do with a boring guy like me I would consider your advice very helpful in my life. I'm sorry if I didn't ask the question right. I know you have better people writing to you so you don't have to read this question if it's too boring for your show. But if you do or just respond at all I'll say thank you now because it would mean a lot to me."

Special Segment: Interview with Paul Mason, the Fashion Santa.

Final Thoughts: What the fox say.