The Awkward Human Survival Guide Retired

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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128: HIV Robot

August 23, 2016 at 3:15AM • 1 hour 2 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about boy toys, a vaginal cavern, and period blood underwear. Questions/comments/stories? Call/text 509-AWKWARD or visit

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: Erica accidentally farts into her vagina, then queefs it back out into the world. Also, Erica and Adam embarrass themselves with name tags.

This Week's Questions:

  • Anonymous (18/PRDSF) asks, "Hi, I 'm an eighteen-year-old pan-romantic demisexual female. I know you guys aren't too fond of teenagers (who would be when the majority of them are assholes?) but I was hoping you guys could dissect the issue I'm about to bring up and help me make a decision. So here's the issue: I met my current girlfriend last year at the small private school we both attended. I was a senior and she was a junior. We first started talking after a shitty Faulkner project in AP English Lit but it quickly became apparent that we had a lot more in common. I ended up asking her to senior prom and basically, we became a John Hughes movie. But then summer happened and since we live about two hours away from each other, we've only been able to meet in person about five times. We do call and text daily and have regular face time dates so we have managed to stay together. In a month, I'm going to a university in London. I feel that now would be a good time to break up because the huge distance/time difference, the pressure she's facing in college app season, and the anxiety I'll probably be facing as a new student in a new country will compound into something messy and terrible. But with the aforementioned problems with meeting in person, as well as the fact that I am the first person she's ever been in a relationship with and that anything I say will probably make it back into my old high school's grapevine--how should I break up with her? I really want to make it clear that it isn't anything she did because she's really sensitive and tends to overanalyze even when I'm saying nice things to her. Also she's even if we're not together romantically, I would ideally like to remain friends since we have so many common interests. Regards, Anonymous P.S. I love your show! You guys are like the best sort of mentors, because instead of bullshit Disney movie "follow your heart" stuff, your advice is realistic and reliable. Also, Erica is an empress of sass who makes me want to be less awkwardly polite and more straight-up in real life."
  • Julian (25/SM) asks, "Hey humans. I have sexual feelings for this married woman who lives down the street from me and she has kids and is over 40. I am only 25 though. How can I express or know if she is interested in sex with me? Not a relationship. Just sex. I'm not ready for the kids."
  • Elisa (30/SF) asks, "I don't have a lot of sex. But I've had enough sex to know the normal from the abnormal. I got drunk at a networking event and met a man. I call him average in most ways. There is nothing remarkable about this man. Average penis. Average body. Average face. Nothing wrong and nothing right if you catch me. The sex? Also average. Nothing remarkable at all and so I didn't get his number. He didn't offer. I didn't take. I didn't think anything until later. After a man puts himself inside of you there is a time where you feel more open because there was an organ in your body for a length of time. I find it hard to understand now that I have felt that way for a week so far. It is like he left a hole inside of me where his penis took residence for 25 minutes. Am I to be concerned with this? I know of no infection that would make a woman feel this way so it could be imagination. Is this something you've heard? I could use a direction to think about it and hope to stop worrying."
  • Sylvian (19/GM) asks, "Hola Adam, Erica, and others! I was out at the club, met a couple o guys in their 30s I think and then went back to their flat and got sideways. We got talking and then they were all about making it on the reg. They want a "boy toy" and that's gonna be me. I was like I'll think on it and text back but I want to say yes. It sounds hot cause they're hot. Got spit roasted like a dream, def want to do it again. Anything I should know about getting in with this kinda thing? They got a lot a money and got some sorta live-in roommate. I couldn't tell ya about that. Weird art on the walls like neon vaginas. If Bowie had a vagina I know it would've looked like this. Coworkers, is this cool? Do I have anything to worry about?"

Special Segment: Interview with Miki Agrawal, founder and She-EO of THINX Period Underwear (among other cool things).

Final Thoughts: Your body is a wonderland for bacteria. Let's just be honest about that.

Related Links:

  • People Who Look Like Thumbs: Do They Really Exist?: On the latest episode of the Awkward Human Survival Guide, we received a question about a woman who looks like a “thumbs up.” They didn’t include a picture, so we did some research to find out if these thumb people truly exist. In short, they do.
  • How Do I Get with the Ladies When Everyone Thinks I’m Gay?: It’s great to come across as gay when you’re into dudes, but if you’re straight that doesn’t help so much. David can’t seem to land a woman, but guys are no problem.
  • Masturbatory Music Video: Is Tropical – Dancing Anymore (NSFW): When you’re young, house sitting for someone is all about having your own space. And, what do you do when you have your own space? The following music video is like the augmented reality of Pokémon Go if it was porn. Ever watch those Pixar DVD extras where animators do poses in front of a mirror in order create better character movements? Do you think the animator behind the 3D women in this video did the same thing?
  • The Unique Abuse of Walking Onto a Division 1 Football Team: Imagine working for your favorite company for free. Now imagine that your job involves large amounts of physical activity, wearing heavy, protective gear, and being subjected to sudden outbursts of verbal abuse. Even if you loved the company, would you still do it? Welcome to the life of a college football walk-on.