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The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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124: #Goddamn #Suits

July 27, 2016 at 6:00PM • 1 hour 33 minutes • Wiki Entry

This awkward week we're talking about more herpes, fucking your ex, leaving during a date, and unfortunately Donald Trump. Questions/comments/stories? Call/text 509-AWKWARD or visit

Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: #AwkwardHSG #Suits #Goddamn

This Week's Questions:

  • Sam (22/Pansexual Gender Fluid) asks, "Hello awkward humans, I am Sam, a 22 year old, pansexual, gender fluid individual. And I have herpes: HSV1 (which is typically oral) however I have it genitally. Ashley Manta was spot on about everything except one point that I feel is important to clear up. I don't want to freak people out but I feel that it is important that people have all the information they can because I didn't and now have herpes. Herpes can be spread at any time, whether you have an outbreak of not. There was a study done a few years ago that found that a body with herpes is always shedding the virus. To be clear it is only shed in the region that you have herpes (your mouth or genitals) not just randomly through your skin. Also it is fairly simple to prevent transmission: condoms or dental dams. Hope this was helpful to someone."
  • Mattheyous asks, "This will not be a brief email. For that I apologize. You may want to have a computer read it, have tea with honey on stand by, or simply split it into separate shows. I have broke it down into subjects to make it easier for you. (1) The possible herpes So back when I was doing rehab after my two stroked (2013) I had what Ashley Manta described: I had a two pimples. I remember it burst and smelled. The nurse on duty at the rehab place came in (because of course I rang the call bell ; I was way past the point of embarrassment due to the aforementioned diaper and pimples on my penis has just fucking exploded. She said it might be herpes, but I was a virgin at the time so I didn't understand how I got it) I got it checked out and at the Cleveland Clinic and they said it was nothing to worry about, and said nothing about herpes. I haven't had any outbreaks since (and definitely no outbreaks when I was living with my ex fiancée) so I guess if it is herpes it's gone and just the marks left? It does have the indentations that Ashley described. The doctor said it was just irritation and to squeeze it if it in the shower if it happens again. I think I got it from my ex giving me a blow job (not my ex fiancée, ex girlfriend before I stared dating her). Sidebar: I wasn't really up on sex Ed in 2013, because other than high school and college health class (the former was basically don't have sex, you will get a disease and the later was just a nutrition class) and podcasts I didn't know you could get it from other sexual activities other than penetration. I was naive at the time, don't judge me. So... Is it possible to never have an outbreak again? Was it herpes? Herpes isn't spreadable when you don't have an outbreak, right? Is there anyway to find out now, some sort of test, even though I don't have an outbreak (if it is, in fact, herpes)? Will I ever get a break from dealing with all these health problems? FML (2) Revenge porn follow up It was a full body shot, not just my dick, but still not a big deal or that different. Still haven't heard anything, so that's good. I didn't change my name on Facebook, just on Kik. And I don't know the girl, we got matched by a bot. Also if you Google my full name the only results that come up you get my Father (it's complicated, he was a lawyer... also he's sort of a famous police crime researcher and the only person in this country that studies thisNeedles to say he's been rather busy the last few years). Thanks for all your help. I'm going to go with the option of pretending it never happened. She can't view any details on my Facebook or my friends now; only the news feed (and most of my posts aren't set to public). She can still see people that have commented on it, but that's it. And a few of my photos. ---------------------------- I was sitting for long periods of time when it happened; I had to learn to rewalk. And this happened a long time after my ex-girlfriend left me. So I'm inclined to believe the Cleveland Clinic doctor. I didn't have any other symptoms other than the discharge (back when it happened) and it healed like a normal wound would, not like herpes would heal (I looked online). ---------------------------- I should note that the pimples did not spontaneously burst. I squeezed them. ---------------------------- They were not small clusters. Just separate pimples --on different sides of my penis."
  • Piotr (SM) asks, "I've married an ugly woman. I love her personality because she is a sweet, courteous woman...that is ugly. I have seen makeover TV shows. I feel that she can be groomed to be a hot momma. What do you think? What can I suggest to be kind to her? I love her but my cock is never hard for her unless I imagine porn babes and try not to see her as much when she wants to make love. Please give me suggestions for fixing this, thank you."
  • Anonymous (?F) asks, "I met him 10 years later after our breakup. I am in a relationship with a woman. He hurt me and my best friend consoled me. We fell in love. Then he came back into my life and seduced me. I feel awful. I still feel for him. I still want him. I want to regret what I did but I can't. How can I get over this? Do you know? How can I move forward? I don't want to hurt her. I love her. Somehow I love him, too. He is wrong for me. She is not. I am lost, confused, and broken. What should I do?"
  • Anonymous asks, "Trump is a fuckin asscunt. What do ya do about people who are gonna vote for that shitty bitch? They don't want Hillary, okay, whatever. I don't know what to say to them to make them know he is bad for this country much worse than any them other shits. You gota answer for that?"
  • Jeanie (24/SF) asks, "I had the worst fucking date of my whole life. It went like this. Eric sends me a message on OkC, seems nice, I respond, he asks me out, I don’t want to go yet before I get to know him, he’s a little pushy but not mean, we talk some more, he gets my number, we talk on the phone, yadda yadda yadda we make a date after 10 days or something. We go to some stuffy restaurant. It’s maroon and the walls were velvet. I’ve never gone on a date at some place like that. So weird but okay. We talk and he is a gun owner. I’m a nice girl so I say nothing at the beginning but he tells me about all his guns and I don’t like guns. My brother got shot when he was hunting with his friends. Like his friend was Dick Cheney basically, just hit his leg and not his face so he’s doing well now. We don’t hunt or have guns. We don’t support guns. All Eric wants to talk about on the date is guns so I go to the bathroom to get a breather. I come back, try to change the subject, and he changes it back to guns. He says how they work and what shooting ranges he likes. He shot a bear one time. He shot lots of rabbits and cooks them. He wants to cook me rabbit someday he says. My line is crossed so I tell him I don’t like guns because of my brother and I don’t want that in my life. I think we’re getting the check now but he doesn’t want to let it go. He asks me back home with him. He wants to show me his guns. He wants to show me it’s okay and not to be scared that the guns make us safer. I don’t agree. I try to go. He tells me he’ll call. Of course I don’t call. I ignore his calls. He gets upset. I don’t think he wants to shoot me or hurt me but this date went to shit and was almost traumatic. I want to know what you do on a date when you just want to go. What’s the polite way to go? How do you talk to people like that?"

Special Segment: We're taking an interview break this week!

Final Thoughts: Watch out for Paul Schulze, because he might want to knife you. If you're in jail with him on a TV show, at least.

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